"Decolonizing" and what it means to me

Some thoughts on Truth and Reconciliation week. Plus a lil something for the introverts, of course.

Hi, and thanks for reading. Just a quick note about these notes: they’ll be coming only if and when I have something noteworthy to say on the topics of community building, introverting without giving up connection, restorative approaches, and reconciliation. All that to say: I won’t be writing according to some arbitrary schedule that some technocratic overlords set in 2015 to drive clicks. Vive le creative freedom! While it still exists!

Hey, it’s October 2. Truth and Reconciliation Week 2023 just wrapped up. My skin’s been prickling with the possibilities and grief and indelible mountain that lies ahead of us—all of us—when it comes to Truth and Reconciliation.

This year, I strove to take the “hierarchy” out of my own understanding of Truth and Reconciliation by taking the “us” and “them” out of the work. Because I’m finally understanding (I’d like to thank my thirties for leading me to this place!) that there’s a ton of essential work that needs to be done in my settler heart and my settler spheres of influence to examine all of the ways that colonialism has harmed and continues to harm. Thank you to Lilla Watson for putting it so succinctly:

“If you have come here to help me, you are wasting your time. But if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together.”
- Quote attributed to Lilla Watson, Murri visual artist, activist and academic

Liberation work

I’m working on decolonizing my heart by expressing my own vulnerability, by joining various Circles and listening instead of reacting, and by recognizing when I fall back on certain crutches that are unhealthy for me. (Why do I spend so much time staring at my phone, scrolling on Instagram? What need is that fulfilling in me?)

One thing I’ve started doing with my kids and husband is sitting in Circle¹ with them. A powerful thing happens when you sit on the floor, cross-legged, and focus on your loved ones for a little while. We take turns leading the Circle, so the topics we discuss range from, “What’s your favourite tree?” to “What would you like help with this week?” 10/10 can recommend.

Where we live shapes us

I live on Vancouver Island on the very west coast of Canada,² and have for most of my life. But my ancestors came from northern and eastern Europe. Like many of my fellow settlers, whenever I visit Europe I get a pang of nostalgia and say things like,

“Oooh there’s so much history here.”

“Wow, can you imagine how many butts have sat on this stool before me?”

“Just think about how many years it took to build this cathedral.”

It’s almost like our bodies recognize the rootedness of Europe — perhaps because, on a deep cellular level, there’s familiarity in these places. In the knowing that our father’s father’s father and our mother’s mother once walked those cobblestone streets and carved that sod and dodged the bullets that are still embedded in that stone wall.

That might be partly why it’s so easy to say things about Canada like, “There’s no real history here.” The country is, after all, only 156 years old, and there are whiskeys older than that! It might be why it’s easy to look at the natural world here and see resource potential rather than a vibrant, living history.

Part of what reconciliation means to me is a recognition of that living history, as well as a deep honouring of the natural world that we’re surrounded by. And that a deeper connectedness with the living world doesn’t involve resource extraction, or even just recreation. It’s about living in symbiosis with nature. So yes, I’m talking about “taking” from nature — in the sense of forest walks and meditation and being really at peace after spending time in nature, but I’m also talking about “giving”—protecting and advocating for sustainability and rewilding at every turn.

A gift for the introverts

For a long time, I’ve been working on shedding the notion that if I’m asked my thoughts on a topic, I need to have an off-the-cuff, super articulate answer. Let that go, fellow introverts! My gift to you is twofold:

1. A very valid answer is: “I don’t know enough to comment on that.” It takes real wisdom, and often even courage, to admit that you don’t have enough information to chime in on a topic. But it’s incredibly important! Showing/sharing vulnerability is cause for celebration, in my books.

2. If you’re in a position of leadership and you feel you must say something (about Truth & Reconciliation, Pride, Remembrance Day, etc.), you might feel the urge to avoid it altogether in order to not put your foot in your mouth. But my gentle suggestion is to just turn it around to your customers or your team or your students or whatever. That could look like, “Hey everyone, as we go through today’s [insert event/task here], I’d like to invite you to think about what [Reconciliation/Pride/Remembrance Day] means to you.” You can then add a punchline like, “I won’t be quizzing you, don’t worry!” (Cue nervous laughter.)
   
   This is one of my favourite techniques for introverting my way out of the spotlight because it really puts it back to your community to shoulder the burden of thought and compassion, which can be incredibly empowering. It gives them permission to chat about it after your meeting/class/workshop, and asks them to rely on their own innate gifts and wisdom. Win-win-win! ✨

1. The best book on Circles that I’ve read so far is, “Doing Democracy with Circles” by Jennifer Ball, Wayne Caldwell and Kay Pranis. It’s an invaluable resource.

2. In the grand scheme of things, “Vancouver Island” and “Canada” are only very recent names for these locations